How to Please Your I.T. Department

[Mcandmar]

Working in IT myself i can tell you these are all true, joys of IT :-)


01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

03. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee.
That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

07. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

08. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

09. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

[rory]

seeing as i am in IT myself as well.....thought i'd continue this

A tirade of 'home PC support'....

You'd be amazed at how many people call me up at home and ask me to fix a buggered PC…….only to discover, like you, they use nothing (virus/firewall protection)……..and wonder why, after browsing that dodgy site that the PC won't boot even though it only has approx 3 viruses on it………..

I love spending hours on peoples PCs……..if I were a mechanic you'd buy me a case of beer for changing your brake pads that took an hour…….but I'm lucky….Sure I'm happy to spend 3-4 hours cleaning up and fixing your 'well maintained' PC……and lucky to get a glass of water whilst doing it....who wants beer anyway…you only get rewarded for real work. I.T. isn't real….because you can't see what has been done means that it never was anything.

Please feel free to call me again in 2 months time at 11pm…….it's not your fault that you didn't follow my instructions (that’s took me a painstaking 1.5 hours to write out in layman's terms while you watched T.V.) to apply hotfixes and now your PC is stuffed again.

Don't worry, you weren't interrupting anything…but thanks for not asking…I'm sure your problem outweighs anything I'm currently doing, including sleeping.

No….I can't understand it either why it's buggered again (because you followed my instructions)….I agree totally that I mustn't have done it right the first time….thanks for questioning my skills and not blaming yourself for your own stupidity.

I know I'm in I.T. so I should know every little application whether it be commercial or shareware….that's how I can magically know what you are looking at on the screen, so you don't have to use any useful descriptions.....just keep using usesless ones like "it's that ..you know...thingy on the screen"...don't woryy...I get the gist.

Thanks for calling, just drop the PC around tomorrow…oh….you can't….that's OK…I'll pick it up from your house…..sorry…what was that….oh….you need it back in two days……no problem…I didn't have anything on anyway…but once again…thanks for not asking.

P.S. be sure to tell ALL your friends and family to give me a call if they have issues because once I've finished with your PC I'll have plenty of time on my hands…my social life is not important.

P.P.S. Oh...almost forgot....because I work in I.T. and predominately with XP and Win2000 I also able to fix any brand of electrical equipment...whether JVC T.V, Pioneer Video player or maybe you LG microwave is on the fritz.....I know I should know...like you say..."I know about things like that....I'm in I.T."

Thanks for listening......hey...where'd you go...hello??!!

[BEECEE]

hi guys was wondering if you both could drop around at 7 this eveining as the yoke on my system is gone duf , the last guy who tryed to fix it failed , leaving silly instructions that prob wouldint have worked . im running a hybrid win 98me xp mac os ,im sure you know the one , ive been trying to print the error report for two days , printer is broke also ,just geting error msg saying no paper , there was def paper in it when i bought it , see you at seven , bring milk and sugar if you,ll be here long enough for tea .

[crx92ie]

Brian, how are you managing to post?

[rory]

have u checked the flux capacitor? i would strongly advising replacing this unit....